Loving Relationships
Most of us want to have close relationships with people who make us feel loved and appreciated, yet some of us are blessed with an abundance of wonderful friends and family, and others are not. Why? A couple of reasons are beyond your control: the size of your community, and second, the size of your family. But, with all things being equal, there is a third reason which we tend to overlook: our choices. Some of us stay in bad relationships with others out of habit. Others because the relationships fill a void. There are some who are in relationships because of family obligations or out of guilt. Those reasons aside, the best relationships are based on sharing the highest ideals and values, having common interests and/or goals.
Even under the best of circumstances, a few relationships can become strained and difficult to deal with. If, over a long period of time, the situation does not improve, it may be time to take a look at the cause and decide whether that relationship can be saved, or if both parties are better off letting go and moving on.
The Behavior of a Worthwhile Friend
What is a quality friendship? The biggest difference between a valuable friend and one who isn't can be answered by a simple question: does this individual truly care about your well-being and make a practice of showing it? Behavior may be the best way to answer this question.
Think back to situations that were similar to those listed below and compare behavior.
Situation: You are facing issues that you are having a hard time dealing with and confide in a friend.
A True Friend Will
- Offer to help you, or will give you help without your having to ask for it
- Make helpful suggestions or will help you find your own solutions
- Seek others to help you if they are unable to do so themselves
- Check on you regularly to see how you are doing
- Expect nothing in return and/or refuse to be compensated after helping you
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Pretend they didn't hear you
- Quickly change the subject and become self-absorbed
- Make excuses why they can't help
- Help only if there's something in it for them
- Expect to be compensated
- Make you feel guilty if you are unable to compensate them
Situation: Something bad has happened to you and you call a friend for moral support.
A True Friend Will
- Suggest meeting somewhere so you can talk in person
- Listen patiently without interruption
- Give you their full attention
- Ask how they can help
- Sympathize with you and console you
- Offer advice, only if you ask for it
- Refer you to someone who can help
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Not offer to get together in person to talk about it
- Tell you to call back later when you're feeling better
- Change the subject right away
- Act disinterested and continually interrupt you
- Lecture you or give you unwanted advice
- Be unsympathetic and not offer to help
- Compete with you for attention by one-upping you
- Express judgmental opinions that make you feel worse
Situation: You share something important that is very personal
A True Friend Will
- Know that these words were meant for their ears only and not tell anyone else
- Ask your permission to share your story if that benefits you or someone dear
- Show their trust in you by sharing something very personal with you
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Tell others about your personal life without permission
- Assume it's OK to share as long as they tell the other person it's a secret
- Be supportive in person, but will gossip about you behind your back
Situation: You unintentionally hurt your friend's feelings
A True Friend Will
- Ask you why you hurt them and give you a chance to apologize
- Forgive you believing that it was just a mistake
- Be understanding
- Make up with you
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Be unforgiving
- Be vengeful
- Solicit others to join them in disliking you
- Continually remind you of what you did wrong
Situation: You share something that you've done that you regret
A True Friend Will
- Be understanding and nonjudgmental
- Share their own feelings about their own past mistakes
- Help you get past any negative feelings you're having over your mistake
- Help you figure out what steps to take next if making amends are necessary
- Help you view the mistake as a positive learning tool
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Be judgmental
- Belittle you
- Scold you
- Gossip about you
- Bring up the mistake in the future to hurt you
- End your friendship
Situation: Something exciting has happened and you call a friend to share your good news.
A True Friend Will
- Congratulate you
- Ask to hear the details
- Share the news with supportive friends and family
- Celebrate with you
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Change the subject
- Trivialize your news
- Act disinterested
- Brag about something they did
- Be envious
Situation: A vicious rumor about you is being spread
A True Friend Will
- Refuse to believe the rumor
- Defend your reputation without prompting
- Tell you about it if it's necessary for your protection
- Not let the rumor affect your relationship negatively
- Keep it to themselves, if it's in your best interest, to avoid hurting your feelings
A Fair-Weather Friend Will
- Believe the rumor without question
- Embellish the rumor and gossip about you
- Stop seeing you without telling you why
- Act superior to you
- Act nice to you, but say hateful things behind your back
High-Quality Relationship Review
To enjoy high-quality relationships, it is important that you are discerning when selecting who is going to be included in your inner circle. Not all people have your best interests at heart or even if they do, some don't have the ability to be a good friend to you.
It's up to you who joins or leaves your inner circle. It's a normal part of everyone's journey to run into bumps in the road. Sometimes we are able to repair relationships and sometimes we aren't. But it is always wise to let go of relationships when they are no longer beneficial to either party
Qualities to Look for in a Friend
Good friends should be: appreciative, available, calm, caring, comforting, compassionate, considerate, encouraging, fair, faithful, forgiving, genuine, generous, grateful, helpful, honest, humble, kind, a good listener, loyal, non-judgmental, pleasant, polite, positive, reliable, respectful, sincere, strong, supportive, sympathetic, thoughtful, trustworthy, warm and welcoming.
In closing, it's important to surround yourself with loving friends and family. And in return, be there for them, always showing your loved ones how much they mean to you.